Life After Kirkwall
by Hannah Myra Myers
Summary: The continuing story of Hawke and co. as they flee a devastated Kirkwall. F!Hawke/Anders centric, lots of fluff and angst. T for eventual violence and language.
1. Escape

**Note: I don't own anything, all belongs to Bioware.**

Marian Hawke stared blankly at the burning silhouette of Kirkwall as it faded into the fog. For nearly a decade the city had been her reluctant home. And though she had done everything in her power to protect its people there was nothing she could have done to prevent this. The city had been slowly self-destructing since before she had arrived. All her efforts had merely served as a postponement of the inevitable.

"Hawke?" She ignored the gentle summons, still staring over the open water. Varric stepped in front of her and placed a gentle hand on her arm. "You all right?"

"My mother's ashes are buried in Kirkwall." Her voice came out choked.

"I know. I'm sorry Hawke." Varric allowed his struggling friend another moment before he cleared his throat. "So where are we headed? Rivaini needs some kind of direction or we may all wake up naked in Antiva."

"I don't know. I guess I haven't planned that far ahead." Marian thought for a moment as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other restlessly. "We need to leave the Free Marches. Perhaps we should go back to Ferelden. It would be wise to stay out of sight for a while."

"Nearest Ferelden port is in Highever."

"No. That is too close to Kirkwall. What about Jader?"

"Technically that's an Orlesian city. You sure you want to risk it after that business with the duke?"

"We should be able to go unnoticed easily enough. No self-respecting Orlesian would give a second glance to a group of refugees."

Varric chuckled at that. "Fair enough. I'll let Rivaini know."

Marian took a deep breath and settled herself against the railing of the ship. Kirkwall had faded completely from view, leaving nothing but fog and the sound of waves lapping against the hull of Isabella's ship. Whatever life she had built there was gone. But the things that mattered, the people she cared about most, were safely aboard this ship with her. The thought brought an immeasurable amount of comfort.

A gentle hand on her shoulder brought a small smile to her face as she turned to face Anders. He looked as exhausted as she felt after such a long and difficult battle. But they had made it. "Marian… about the Chantry… I-"

Soft fingers on his lips stopped any explanation he may have attempted. "It's done Anders."

"Yes but-"

"No. I will hear no more. I love you Anders. And when I said 'until we die' I meant it." The relief on her lover's face instantaneous.

"What did I do to deserve you?" he asked quietly as he brushed dark locks away from her eyes. Marian chucked as she slipped into his arms and burrowed her face against his chest, basking in the warm feeling of his embrace, cherishing what she had fought so hard for. "Are you all right Love?" he asked quietly as she let out a shuddering sigh.

"Just… hold me Anders. Please?" His arms tightened around her trembling frame and he rested his chin in her hair. How could he possibly refuse such a request after everything he had subjected her to?


	2. Proposal

After only a day on the Waking Sea Marian decided that she really did hate boats. As the ship rocked back and forth her stomach mimicked the motion, causing her endless amounts of discomfort and humiliation. Her only relief came from the bucket in her arms and Anders who rarely left her side.

The man sitting across from her had transformed since their departure from Kirkwall. No longer was he the subdued quiet figure that had haunted the Amell estate for the last several years. Light had returned to his eyes, reminding her more and more of the brash apostate she had recruited in Darktown a lifetime ago. She smiled when she thought about the teasing flirtatious man she feared she had lost.

When he noticed her studying him Anders smiled slowly and raised a questioning eyebrow. "What?"

"Do Grey Wardens get married?"

The question surprised the mage as he considered. "Yes," he answered slowly, "though not very often."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why not very often?"

"Well, shortened lifespan I suppose. The taint ensures you don't live more than thirty years past your joining."

Marian closed her eyes to ward off the sorrow that clenched her heart. Given everything they had been through she had willfully forgotten that her love was living on restricted time. The thought that, at best, she would only have him for another twenty years before he walked into a darkspawn nest to die made her feel as if she would be ill again.

"Marian?" When she opened her eyes it was to Anders leaning over her, his own gaze dark with worry. "Are you all right Love?"

"Marry me," she whispered.

Anders felt his spine stiffen. "What?"

"Marry me."

He smiled and placed a hand on her brow. "You don't have a fever. Where is this coming from?"

Taking his hand in hers Marian smiled back at him. "Anders I love you. And I would rather spend twenty years as your wife than a lifetime with anyone else. Marry me."

Anders lowered his forehead to meet hers and for a moment all that could be heard was the creaking of wooden beams and waves crashing against the hull of the ship. "Yes," he whispered, clutching her shoulders gently. "I can imagine no worse a fate than a future without you in it."

Happiness flooded through her as she pulled Anders into her arms. However that happiness was short lived as blue cracks began appearing down his arms and his embrace became viselike. She pushed him away and was unsurprised to see Justice glaring back at her.

"**I will not allow this!"** he bellowed as he rose to his feet. **"You are a liability, a weakness he cannot afford."**

"Justice," she nodded her head in acknowledgment. Marian rose to her feet as best she could given the weakness in her legs. "So, I am a weakness?"

"**Yes. You distract him from our cause. He would sacrifice himself for you. You are a detriment."**

"Is that what Anders thinks? What does he want?" Silence confirmed what Marian already knew. She moved toward the spirit and gently put a hand on her love's face. "Justice. You were Anders' friend once. He sacrificed a part of himself to help you. He will be forever hunted because of what happened in Kirkwall, because of the sacrifice he made for the mages."

"**There is still more to be done. There is still injustice."**

"There will always be injustice. But this good man has sacrificed enough." Tears slowly began tracking down Marian's face as she cupped Anders' face in her hands. "You are his friend Justice. Please. Let him live the remainder of his life with some measure of happiness."

Something akin to sadness crossed the spirit's face and after a moment he withdrew. Anders sagged forward, panic making his eyes wide. "Maker, Marian, what happened? Are you all right?" Marian nodded through her tears and smiled. He pulled her close and muttered in her hair, "Justice is quiet. Did he hurt you?"

"No Love, he didn't hurt me. I simply reminded him of what is fair."


	3. Unexpected

When the two apostates announced their intent to marry it was met with mixed reactions from their companions; however Verric's had been the most surprising. He had smiled and congratulated the couple but became reserved and thoughtful afterward; most dismissed his distance as nothing more than a foul mood. So when the group spied a drunken Chantry sister in one of Jader's many taverns no one anticipated his wide grin or rash action.

"I have an idea. Just play along." Varric strode up to the drunken cleric who was distracted by her inability to remain standing. To Marian's surprise the dwarf knelt, as if he were addressing the Divine herself, and spoke meekly, "Excuse me Your Grace? Might a lowly refugee trouble you for a moment?"

She smiled brightly at his apparent reverence and attempted to usher him to his feet, wine spilling over the edge of her glass. "I am but a servant of the Maker! Please rise my dwarven friend. What can I do for you?" The Orlesian woman's thick accent, combined with the slurring of her words, made her difficult to understand.

"I'm so sorry to impose upon you Your Grace but I'm in need of your help-"

"Of course you are you poor confused dwarf! Salvation cannot come from worshiping your ancestors! It must come from the light of the Maker! Andraste, the bride of the Maker, shows us-"

Merrill was hard pressed to suppress her giggle and was pleased to see that both Isabella and Marian were having the same amount of difficulty. When Varric hung his head and let out a phony sob the three women were forced to turn from the sight and laugh quietly amongst themselves.

The cleric stopped her rambling at the sound of his sobs and looked down, clearly concerned. "What is wrong my tiny friend?" she asked sincerely as she drained what wine remained in her glass.

Varric wiped away his false tears and gestured toward Anders, whose eyes widened with surprise. "The matter concerns my son."

Even inebriated the cleric raised an eyebrow. "Son?"

"Yes. I raised him as my own after his mother and father were murdered by… sacrilegious bandits."

"Oh! Par le Créateur! That is horrible!" The woman began to bow to the dwarf but stopped herself so that she would not fall to the floor. "You are honorable Messare! What can I do for your son?"

"My boy Anders has traveled far, all the way from Denerim, to marry his love in the glorious city of Val Royeaux. It was his mother's dying wish that he be wed in the Grand Cathedral blessed by the light of Andraste." Anders took Marian's hand in his own and tugged her forward, grateful she had managed to quell her laughter.

The cleric smiled brilliantly at them and raised her empty glass. "Ah young love! So beautiful!"

Varric choked out another false sob. "Yes Your Grace. But I fear we will not make it to Val Royeaux. Young Marian has been poisoned by her jealous lover and has only days to live. We had hoped that you would marry them before her time is gone." The dwarf hung his head in shameless false weeping.

It took all of the young couple's restraint not to follow Isabella and Merrill as they vanished through the tavern doors, laughter following them. The grief stricken cleric stumbled past Varric and draped heavy arms around the two lovers, tears streaming down her face.

"Such bravery! Such sorrowful fate! Of course I will wed you mes cheris!"

Varric rose from where he knelt on the ground and grasped the drunken woman's hands gratefully. "Oh thank you Your Grace! I am in your debt!" He ordered another round for the cleric before dismissing himself and his companions.

As they left the tavern Hawke slapped Varric's shoulder none too gently. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Was that truly necessary?"

"Come on Hawke! Orlesians can't resist romantic tales, especially when they end in tragedy."

Fenris spoke from behind the group. "I take it the tale of two apostates doomed to a life of vagrancy was not tragic enough?"

"No, not nearly tragic enough."

Merrill leapt through the group to wrap her arms around Hawke's neck as she bounced up and down excitedly. "I can't believe you're really going to do it! You're really getting married! Hawke, you will need a dress! I don't think I've ever seen you wear a dress. I mean, you wear robes of course but I don't think it's the same thing." Marian shared a happy grin with Anders before the small elf and Rivaini pirate began pushing her toward the docks. Isabella turned to the three men.

"Fenris, go fetch Lady Manhands and tell the boys about our plan. I'll need Aveline in my quarters right away. Varric, wait here for our drunken Chantry sister. And you," she pointed at Anders, eyes narrowing, "had better be presentable when you come back to my ship."

Anders fidgeted in place, sweating despite the cool night air. In his entire life he had never seriously considered the possibility of marriage. Even though he had agreed to the arrangement with Marian on their short sea voyage it had seemed like a fantasy. But as he waited for his bride Anders felt the reality begin to settle on his shoulders. He was going to wed Marian Hawke.

* * *

><p>"Hold still Blondie. Andraste's tits you're making ME edgy," Varric rebuked him with a grin. Anders returned the smirk and struggled to compose himself. The dwarf took in his friend's appearance and hoped he had cleaned up the mage sufficiently.<p>

As Varric had awaited their dear Sister Garcelle he had assisted Anders' preparations. The mage had washed his tangled locks and re-secured them into his usual half ponytail. His black coat, which had retained the rips and bloodstains of battle, was washed and mended by one of the serving girls who had heard the lover's tragic story. She had also been kind enough to replace his ragged under tunic and dilapidated trousers with new linen garments. Varric had insisted on paying the girl but she had refused, smiled sadly at Anders and wished him happiness with his bride before she burst into tears. This had earned the dwarf a stern glare from his friend.

Now the mage ran his hands down his newly cleaned coat and fidgeted nervously as the door to the captain's cabin opened. Varric nudged Anders gently to bring him to stillness.

Sister Garcelle walked the length of the ship first, her glassy eyes set atop rosy cheeks and a contented smile; Varric could easily see that Isabella had continued to provide wine to their sympathetic friend. Anders and Varric waited patiently as the inebriated sister made her way to the front of the ship. When she had reached her place Aveline and Donnic began walking the aisle toward the bow, both of them grinning shyly. Anders couldn't help but smile as he remembered being in a similar position with Hawke at the former guard captain's wedding. Both of the warriors had cleaned and polished their armor, causing it to gleam in the starlight.

Captain Isabella appeared next on the arm of her first mate. She wore a dark red dress that hugged every curve and left very little to the imagination, explaining why her companion appeared as if he were caught in a bear trap rather than on the arm of a beautiful woman. A thin sheen of sweat dotted the poor fool's brow as he released his escort and took his place next to Varric, nodding at the dwarf and sighing in relief.

Next came Fenris and Merrill, which caused Anders to smirk. He could not imagine what manner of coercion had caused the brooding elf to make this walk with the bubbly blood mage but it was certainly a spectacle. Fenris, his usual armor remarkably clean, marched with an iron spine and eyes locked forward. But Merrill seemed oblivious to his stoicism. The light green linen dress complimented her bright eyes as she smiled and half skipped next to Fenris. Before she moved away from the men to join Isabella and Aveline the petite elf planted a light kiss on Anders cheek. Her fellow mage blinked in surprise when the elf hugged him lightly and whispered, "You be good to her," before prancing away.

Anders frowned at Merrill for half a moment before Varric nudged him again, this time insistently. Everything else fell away when his gaze fell on Marian standing next to Carver. Their eyes met briefly, causing her to blush and look away as if embarrassed. Slowly brother and sister began their walk. Marian's raven locks were twisted back from her face, seemingly held in place with small white flowers Anders had seen growing along the shore. The flowers complimented the white dress she wore, a simple kirtle accented by strips of lace along the bodice.

As the pair reached their destination Carver gave Anders a seething glare. The young Warden gently placed his sister's hands in the mage's and he glowered, "You had better take care of her or so help me-"

"Carver!" Marian whispered angrily.

Her brother's scowl was replaced by a sad smile as he turned and kissed her forehead gently. "I love you Sister," he whispered as he slowly moved to take his place with Varric, Fenris, and Donnic.

Sister Garcelle sniffled through tears as she swayed on her feet. "Ah, sweet love. 'Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the…" The woman continued slurring through the Canticle of Benedictions but neither mage standing before her heard, nor did they care. Anders and Marian knew nothing beyond the depth of the other's eyes and the warmth of each other's hands. The ceremony continued to pass in a haze. At one point Garcelle asked Anders to love the woman in front of him until his dying breath, a fate he had resigned himself to long ago. When the Sister repeated the words to Marian she readily agreed. Rings were exchanged, something Anders distantly found odd since they had not thought to acquire rings, and the final words were spoken: "In the name of the Maker and his bride Andraste I pronounce you man and wife."

The smile that lit Marian's face was brilliant as he pulled her close for a kiss. When their lips met Anders felt unmatched happiness bloom in chest and he pulled her closer, reveling in the feeling of her against him and the joy in her laughter. In that moment two lives, both plagued by despair and loss, were purged of all sorrow.


	4. Traveling Companion

Days later Marian and Anders made their way south of Jader, followed closely by a dwarf and two elves. Hawke smiled sadly at their decreased numbers, but said nothing. Aveline and Donnic had insisted on returning to Kirkwall to restore order and, as much as Marian hated to admit, it made sense. The two were known and respected in the city by both the Templars and the rabble. She only worried about their being associated with the two apostates. "If they give you any trouble," Hawke had told her, "just tell them I made you do it. Magical mind control. That sounds like something a villainous apostate would do." Aveline had simply smiled and reassured her that they would be fine.

Carver had, to no one's surprise, returned to the Grey Wardens. "It's my place sister," he'd told her patiently as she tried to convince him to stay. But he grinned as he teased, "Besides, I can't go back to living in your bloody shadow after all these years!"

And Isabella had agreed to transport the lot of them at Hawke's request. "You know I love you Kitten but nothing is worth putting up with your fool brother… unless you're willing to let me have a go at that Grey Warden stamina?"

"If you can manage to seduce Carver he is all yours."

The pirate had simply raised an eyebrow and responded, "That's not who I meant."

Marian pressed a hand to her stomach as she resisted the urge to wretch. Weeks of travel through the wilderness had taken its toll on the small group and the feeling of weakness that had begun in Hawke's limbs had spread to her entire body, causing her pace to slow. There was something wrong, she could tell that much. But she was no healer and she stubbornly refused to pester her husband with a trivial illness. However there was little she could do to disguise the issue when her vision swam and knees buckled.

"Mage!" Fenris called sharply as he caught his friend and lowered her gently to the ground. Hawke's skin had paled and looked gaunt on her thinning face, alarming the elf. She grimaced up at him in a daze, resisting his help as she tried, and failed, to stand on her own.

"Marian!" Anders knelt quickly beside his fallen wife. "Fenris what happened?"

"I do not know. She simply collapsed."

"I'm fine," the woman muttered. A weak hand attempted to wave the worried group away but the blood left her face and she wretched, bringing up nothing but bile and water. All strength left her as she surrendered and rested on the ground, exhausted. Slowly the nausea was soothed as blue energy weaved through her ailing body.

"You're sick love," Anders whispered as he lifted her to his chest. "When was the last time you ate anything?"

"I don't remember. My stomach has been…unwell. I didn't want to make it worse."

A deep rumble from the chest of her beloved indicated that he was not pleased. "Why did you keep this to yourself? You are not invincible." Anders picked her up, despite her protests. "We need to make camp for the night."

"I think I saw some caves up the trail a ways," Varric offered.

"Oh! I could go hunting! And I saw some berries and mint leaves I could gather!" Merrill lightly bounded off the trail before anyone could protest.

Fenris picked up Hawke's pack and staff. "Lead on Varric."

* * *

><p>Worry plagued Anders as he studied the form of his sleeping wife. Though her face retained its look of exhaustion some of the color had returned to her cheeks. The companions had, after several hours, coaxed Marian into eating some cooked meat and tea made with Merrill's mint leaves. She claimed to be feeling better and had fallen into a restless sleep not long after. However Anders' current cause for concern lay in the dark tendrils that snaked wickedly through her aura. If he had not been by her side continuously since leaving Kirkwall he would suspect she had been wrestling with Darkspawn.<p>

Their cave was quiet, the only sounds echoing from the crackling of a small camp fire and the oblivious snores of Fenris and Merrill as they slept soundly before their respective guard shifts. Anders was so engrossed in aiding his suffering wife that he did not notice Varric's approach from outside the cave.

"What is it Blondie?" The mage jumped at the sudden disruption, then managed a trembling breath as he ran his hand down his face nervously. "Come on Anders. You wouldn't be such a wreck if this were a simple fix. What's wrong with Hawke?"

"I… don't know," he answered quietly. "It feels as though she's been tainted."

"Like Carver?"

"Yes. But that is not possible. We haven't encountered Darkspawn since Sundermount and that was months ago."

Varric chuckled to himself as he rested Bianca across his shoulder. "The only tainted creature that could come close to challenging Hawke is Carver and I don't think he's that stupid. I saw the two of them spar once and it was terrifying. She set his clothes on fire before he knew what… Blondie?" The mage had frozen in place, staring down at his wife with wide horrified eyes. "Blondie? Hey, come on now you're making me nervous."

"I did this," came the broken whisper.

"What?"

"By the Maker, I didn't sense… I was too distracted by the taint to realize… We had never considered…"

A heavy hand broke through the shock and Anders looked up at a visibly alarmed Varric. "What in the Void are you talking about Blondie?"

"Marian… she is with child." His words seemed to hang in the air as he stared down at the love of his life. Conception for a Grey Warden was so unlikely that they had not thought to be careful, had given no consideration to the possibility. Fear for his wife caused the mage to begin pacing around the cave as he frantically thought of possible solutions. "There are herbs," he said finally. "They would use them in the Circle if two mages conceived a child by accident-"

"Wait a second Blondie. What's the problem? Don't get me wrong, I'm don't consider myself 'kid friendly' but isn't this a good thing?"

"No! Varric, the child is tainted. The taint is already making her ill and it will only get worse."

"How much worse?"

Anders sighed. "I do not know. It is a rare thing for Wardens to conceive children. This may be a first."

"Well don't go making any plans until you've discussed the matter with Hawke. I'm sure she will have plenty to say about it."

* * *

><p>Wrapped in her cloak and sitting against the wall at the mouth of the cave Marian could easily see why Varric had chosen this spot to rest. The position was easily defensible, even if caught unawares in the dead of night.<p>

A gentle wind coursed its way through the trees, the sound leaving Marian with a sense of peace. She rested a hand protectively over her middle and smiled as she looked out over the view of the forest below them. In the fading light, and with her being ill, she could not appreciate the serenity of this place when they'd settled in the cave the night before. But the rising sun cast brilliant light over the landscape and for the first time since leaving Kirkwall Marian felt completely safe.

Soft footsteps brought her sleep tussled husband to her side. He sat next to her but said nothing as he draped the heavy blanket from their bedroll around the both of them. She rested her head on his shoulder, earning a soft kiss, before sighing contentedly.

"How long have you been awake?" Anders asked softly as he put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him.

"A few hours. Varric snores louder than a feral Mabari. I told Merrill to get some sleep. There's no need for two of us to keep watch."

"True enough." Anders was quiet for a moment. "Marian… there is something I need to tell you."

"I already know." He seemed startled and looked at her in surprise as she chuckled. "It is easier to sleep through Varric's snoring than your fretting Love."

"How much did you hear?" he asked quietly.

"Enough. The answer is no Anders."

Her husband stood abruptly and walked to the cliff's edge where he took several deep breaths to steady himself. "How can you say that?" he asked after a moment, his voice trembling. When Anders turned to face her dread marked every feature clearly. "Do you not understand? The taint is making you ill already. It will only get worse. It may kill you! You cannot expect me-"

"Anders, please." Her quiet plea brought her husband the several paces back to where she rested. He knelt in front of her, gently taking her hands in his own.

"Please Love. Do not ask me to watch you die. Not for this."

Marian smiled indulgently and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. "And what would you have me die for if not this?" Tears threatened to spill down Anders face as she drew him closer. "Nothing is certain. And I will not cast aside our child for fear of what may happen."

"Marian…I can't lose you…"

"How many times have I told you? You are NOT going to lose me!"

Anders gently placed a trembling hand on her stomach and sent soothing magic through her. "If this is what you truly want then I will be here. And we will see this through together." His wife's smile chased the mage's fears to the back of his mind for the time being and he grinned at her. "Although… I don't have much experience caring for babes."

"Not to worry. I helped my mother contend with two infants at once. It's not as bad as it sounds."


	5. Reunions

"Hawke please sit down."

"I'm fine Fenris, just relax."

"I cannot relax while you are in peril. Please sit down."

"Makers BREATH you are worse than my husband!"

"I fear that were I your husband I would have been driven mad long ago. Now please…" Marian glared at the elf's smirk but resigned herself to inactivity as he removed the ever increasing stack of firewood from the pregnant woman's arms.

Not one to be defeated easily, Hawke walked beside the elf as he continued the task she had started. "You know my mother was carrying twins _and_ looking after me when my father was running from the Chantry. I remember we once traveled for nearly a week without rest before finally settling down for a while."

The elf nodded and attempted to quell his grin as he continued to gather dry branches from the ground. "Is that so?"

"Yes. And she birthed two very normal healthy children."

"I do not understand what that has to do with you."

"Fenris! I promise I will not meet my end over a little manual labor!"

The elf straightened as anger steeled across his eyes. "Your mother did not carry a tainted abomination." Immediately he regretted his words. "I am sorry Hawke. I did not-"

"It's all right Fenris. I know." They continued to gather fire wood together in silence before making their way back to camp.

Fenris had made no secret that he detested the creature that grew in his friend's body as it ate away at her life. For nearly eight months the small group had traveled through the more remote areas of Ferelden in an attempt to stay far away from anything having to do with Kirkwall, the Chantry, or the Circle.

Their time in Orzammar had been particularly trying. Despite Varric's dwarven heritage he disliked the underground city almost as much as his companions. Feelings of smothering claustrophobia prompted plans of travel but not before Anders' past had caught up with him.

* * *

><p>"<em>Anders?"<em>

_The mage froze. It wasn't possible. There was no conceivable way she knew he would be here. But as he turned toward the swift armored footfalls storming toward him Anders knew this was it. This was the end. Maker help him he was about to die._

_Fierce blue eyes narrowed with rage as armored fingers grabbed the facing of his coat and roughly dragged him away from prying eyes. He barely had time to make out the figure following them as he was tossed haphazardly into a back alley. Anders hit the ground hard and stared up at the person he was certain would be the cause of his immediate execution._

_Warden Commander Elissa Cousland towered over the mage as she stood with her hands on her hips. Nathaniel Howe stood behind her, cringing for his friend, but unwilling to intervene._

"_Commander…"_

_The slim woman's voice rebounded menacingly off the stone walls of the alley. "Do not speak." She crouched over the fallen mage and glared down at him menacingly. "Do you have any idea what you put me through?"_

"_Commander, I-"_

"_Oh no!" She slapped the side of his head roughly. "You will be silent for once in your life you obstinate self-centered craven! How dare you leave us to mourn for you while you've been gallivanting around the Free Marches! I was utterly convinced that you were slain by that bastard Rolan! We gave you a hero's farewell and I nearly killed a Knight Commander to avenge your death." Another slap, harder this time. "And then last year Nate comes back from the Deep Roads claiming you saved him! That you've been alive and well all this time! Tell me, what is it like to lose all literacy?"_

_The question caught Anders off guard. He cocked his head in confusion only to earn another blow to the side of his head. "That MUST be why I never received word from you because I KNOW they taught you how to read and write in the blighted Circle tower." The angry commander seemed to calm before another thought caused the fire to reawaken in her eyes. She leaned closer. "And Justice, don't think I've forgotten about you! If anything you should be more ashamed! I almost understand Anders running off without a word, but not you. One would think a spirit of virtue would know better than to leave loved ones mourning needlessly."_

_Guilt squirmed through both the mage and the spirit that possessed him. It was true they had given little thought to how the Wardens would react to his desertion, thinking only of escaping at the time. But now faced with Elissa's accusations both beings were wrought with shame._

_The commander stood and took a deep calming breath before glaring down at the mage crumpled at her feet. Anders didn't dare rise for fear of being pummeled again, however his anxiety proved unfounded as Elissa sighed and offered him a hand. "Maker's breath Anders, stand up," she cursed as she helped him regain his footing._

"_So… you aren't going to execute me?"_

"_For the love of… Dammit Anders!" Another blow met the side of the mage's head, this time playful. "You may not wear a griffon on your robes but you're still a Warden."_

"_You haven't heard then?"_

"_What, about that business in Kirkwall? Anders, everyone has heard. It has been a never ending source of dispute at mealtimes. You've got some fans at the Vigil."_

"_Really?"_

_Nathaniel scoffed from behind the commander, making his presence known for the first time. "When Carver returned it was all anyone could talk about. Since then Alistair has been making a game out of how many times the word 'mages' can be uttered without inciting a debate."_

"_I'm glad to know it has gotten people talking."_

_Sighing heavily, Elissa put a hand on Anders' feathered shoulder. "Listen… I don't know what sort of trouble you're in over this. But you always have a place with the Wardens."_

"_I don't think you can protect me from this Commander."_

_The grin that spread across the woman's face reminded him of a cat with a canary. "Watch me."_

* * *

><p>They'd eventually traveled on after receiving a letter from Isabella urging them to join her in Highever. Their pirate friend assured them that the port would provide ample anonymity so long as they didn't go out of their way for "do-gooding." But the extensive journey was beginning to take its toll on Hawke; the longer they travelled the more difficulty she seemed to have. The amount of ground covered each day began to shrink as she grew weaker despite Anders' nightly magical administrations.<p>

One particularly trying night the group sat around the fire, each cringing as Marian retched her way through the evening meal. The mage was having what her companions referred to as "a bad day," where eating and sleeping became grueling chores as the taint made her stomach weak and gave her powerful nightmares.

"You cannot keep going like this Love," Anders chastised gently as he worked healing magic through her ever trembling figure. "I had hoped that if we slowed our pace it would help, but I fear it is getting worse."

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"No you are not," Fenris growled as he came to crouch beside the two mages. Anders glared murderously as the elf firmly caught Hawke's chin in his gauntleted hand, forcing her to look at him. "You are wasting away. It is past time we rid ourselves of the problem."

"No!" Marian backed away from her friend quickly as she covered her swollen belly with one hand and conjured a small fireball in the other. However even her gifts had begun to fade as the fire flickered and died leaving the stunned mage staring at her empty hand.

"I think that's quite enough!" None of the men dared to move or speak. Merrill rose from her seat by the fire and moved to her ailing friend, whispering comforting words none but the two could hear. When she looked back toward Anders and Fenris, Merrill scorched them with a glare that put even the brooding elf to shame. "I think you're both being rather selfish. It's not about what you want; it's about what Hawke wants. And all of this stress is not good for her." The small elf put her arms around Marian and moved her closer to the fire.

Shame burned Anders' cheeks as he looked down at his hands helplessly. He quietly joined his wife next to the fire, making slow and deliberate movements under Merrill's protective glare, and pulled her against him. There they sat until the rest of their party began readying themselves for bed.

"I'm sorry," Anders whispered as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. "I should never have let it get that far with Fenris."

"I'm sorry too. I know you're just worried about me."

"I am. Do you truly believe you can keep this up for another month Marian?"

"It's simply the travel making me weak. I promise once we get to Highever and settle down everything will even out."

* * *

><p>"Sweet tits of Andraste Hawke, you're huge!"<p>

Hawke grinned despite her fatigue as Isabella pulled her into a tight embrace. She hadn't realized how much she had actually missed her swashbuckling friend until the pirate woman had left them. "Oh Bella, you know just what to say to make a girl feel alluring and attractive."

"Oh come on Kitten! You know I'll always serve at your pleasure!" She glanced at Anders with a smirk and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Is it true about your senses being heightened when you're with child? I imagine the sex is-"

"Isabella!" Fenris' scowl made the Rivani woman chuckle. "You can discuss these matters when you are alone."

Anders eyebrows rose as he glanced at the elf. "I think that is the first time we've ever agreed on anything Fenris."

"Spoilsports."

Isabella put one arm around Marian, the other around Merrill, and made her way down the dock to her ship as the three women whispered and giggled conspiratorially.


	6. Possibilities

Anders had never given any consideration to blood magic. It was malicious, self-destructive, and served only to give the Chantry more fuel for their infernos of ignorance and hate against mages. But for the first time in his life, as he had listened to his wife's tormented screams, he had considered it. Anders was certain that if a demon had appeared before him and offered a way for his wife and child to survive he would've accepted without hesitating. But after what seemed like an endless night the trial was over and the miracle Anders had prayed for had manifested: both mother and daughter lived to see the sunrise.

Marian slept soundly next to him on the large bed in Isabella's quarters as Anders leaned over and gently kissed her brow. Isabella, Varric, and Merrill had all mercifully volunteered to stay with the baby so that he could ensure Marian would rest and recover fully. She had been so weak the last few days of her pregnancy, having barely eaten or slept, that the midwife feared she would be unable to deliver the child. But somehow Marian had found the strength. The long hours blurred together in a haze of fear and exhausted vigilance as Anders did everything in his power to keep the child's taint from contaminating her mother. At one point he felt nothing but searing panic. Marian's life had begun to ebb as she drifted away from him toward the Fade. But the moment she realized what was happening her gaze hardened. Fire and steel manifested behind her eyes as she drew strength from pools unknown. That same strength had kept her alive during her battle with the Arishok, when Orsino had transformed into a monstrosity, and when Meredith had nearly doomed them all.

Only when the midwife finally pulled their daughter from Marian's body, and the child's healthy cries filled the air, had his wife's eyes finally softened. She gazed tenderly at Anders before letting herself slip into unconsciousness, leaving her terrified husband to heal what he could before nearly collapsing next to her.

Anders pulled his wife closer as he took comfort in the warmth of her skin and her slow steady breaths. His fear from the night before had steadily been replaced with a dizzy sense of euphoria. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought of having a family of his own. It was simply not possible for a mage. Assuming two magic wielders could live with the idea of being together amidst Templar oppression in the Circle they would never be permitted to keep their children. The Chantry would rip the child away to be sequestered in some orphanage where they would wait and see if the child showed any magical potential.

But Marian, who had been lovingly raised as a mage with her parents and siblings, had never held any doubts. Though their family had been on the run, they had been together. Marian often spoke of her life before they settled in Lothering; days of playing in muddy creeks, chasing Bethany and Carver across sequestered meadows, knowing they were running but never truly understanding the danger had given her many years of blissful innocence. Leandra and Malcolm had shielded their children as long as they could to prevent needless worry. It was a childhood Anders could only fantasize about. And though it held its dangers it also held the promise of happiness for his daughter. She could grow up with her family, feeling loved and safe, rather than being isolated in a gilded cage. Perhaps they could return to one of the remote villages they'd found on their travels and settle for a little while...

Dread wormed its way into his fantasies. He knew he and Marian were hunted in ways the Hawkes had never been. Even the knowledge that Malcolm and Leandra had managed to raise a family felt bittersweet, as Malcolm had been slain by Templars in the end.

Anders pressed his eyes closed and decided that it didn't matter. His wife and daughter were safe for the moment. And Maker help him he would do whatever it took to keep them that way.

Fenris glared down at the small thing squalling in Merrill's arms. The little abomination seemed content to simply yell, leaving the elf with a feeling of perpetual discomfort. Merrill, however, seemed unaffected by the loud noises and continued to feed it while whispering soothingly in Elvish.

Varric appraised Fenris with a grin. "What's your problem Elf? Haven't you ever seen a baby before?"

"That… thing is not a baby. It is an abomination."

"What? I thought for sure when Hawke came through unscathed you'd drop the whole 'doom and gloom' act."

"Have you forgotten that this thing nearly killed her?"

"Yeah, well, the same could be said about you. Wasn't there a thing in the fade where you-"

"That was different!"

Isabella rolled her eyes. "Oh break it up will you? Merrill, hand the baby to Broody."

Merrill pouted for a moment before reluctantly handing the infant to Fenris, who looked as if the thing in his arms would rise up and strangle him at any moment.

"Oh for the love of… here!" Isabella sighed irritably as she corrected the elf's hold, positioning the baby in the same way Merrill had held her. They handed the small skin filled with goat's milk to the elf and showed him how to position the corner above the child's mouth so it could eat. "There!"

Glaring down, Fenris felt his anger falter. The eyes looking back at him most definitely belonged to Anders: whiskey colored pools of curiosity. But everything else about the child resembled Hawke, down to the wisps of ebony locks. She seemed to appraise the elf silently for a moment before she smiled, causing fear to stir within Fenris. He was startled by the very real fear that this extension of the woman he so cherished, the friend who had changed his life, would be brought to some harm. The thing was so small and helpless…

"Oh yes," the elf murmered as he fed the infant. His words were threatening but the small grin annulled any menace. "You are dangerous."


	7. Plans

Isabella's spacious cabin felt congested with so many bodies crowding it. The pirate captain reclined behind her desk as Merrill, Anders, and Varric poured over the map of Thedas sprawled across its surface. Fenris paced the length of the room, shooting broody glances at anyone who spoke while Marian commented from a distance, her daughter nestled against her breast. It seemed that no one could agree on the best course of action now that the roving group of delinquents had an infant to contend with.

The news from Kirkwall was dire. Aveline wrote that while order had been reestablished within the city the Chantry was still reeling. Cullen had been promoted to Knight Commander but was having difficulty reigning in the slew of recruits who wanted to join the order "to avenge the fallen." The Divine herself had issued an order to apprehend the malificar Anders and sent an army of Templars from Val Royeaux to ensure order throughout Thedas. Varric's contacts confirmed this as rumors of Circle mages rebelling against their pious jailers spread rapidly.

Anders was elated that his fellow mages had taken up arms to secure their freedom and Justice was almost aglow with pride within him. But the news was bittersweet. There were now twice as many Templars roaming Thedas rooting out apostates and searching for him, for his family. The time had come to leave Highever behind.

"I know Orzammar was no picnic," Varric said with a grimace, "but there are no blighted Templars."

"But we don't know how long it will stay that way. At this rate the Chantry will find some excuse to muscle into Dwarven affairs." Marian looked at the dwarf with a wry grin. "And if we are discovered we would be cornered, there would be nowhere to escape to. Well, except for the Deep Roads..."

"Point taken."

Merrill pointed to a wooded area of Ferelden they had passed through during their journey to Highever. "What about the Dalish? They constantly move about and they teach their own magic. I doubt Templars would give them much trouble, if they could even find them. I mean us. I mean if we were with them."

Marian adjusted the fussing infant in her arms as her brow furrowed. "I do not want to put anyone in that sort of danger. There's little enough love for the Dalish and if they're caught harboring us…" The elf paled at the thought of an army of Templars sweeping through a Dalish camp and said no more.

Isabella scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I don't understand why you don't stay with me? Out on the open water, moving from port to port, they'd never catch us!"

"Isn't that what you said about the Quinari?"

"Shut up."

Marian sighed heavily. "Look, the truth is that no matter where we go we will likely be recognized. Well, me at least. Our best bet is going to be sticking to the wilds. If we stay out of sight and move around a lot we won't be caught." Her gaze caught Anders' and she grinned. "Trust me, I have a lot of experience."


	8. Lost

Anders slowly rocked the baby in his arms, taking comfort in the fact that she had finally fallen asleep. There were times, like whenever Marian left him alone with their infant daughter, that he sincerely doubted his abilities. It was a comfort to know that he was able to care for the baby without his wife needing to constantly watch him. Even Justice was getting comfortable with their new role. The spirit had been restless at first, irritated by such a long period of inaction. But after a run-in with a small group of Templars outside of Highever's docks he had come to appreciate the helplessness of the small creature now nestled against his feather coat.

"What greater injustice could there be than to kill something so innocent and defenseless?" The spirit had not offered an answer.

Varric strolled beside the mage, glancing up at him periodically and grinning. "How's the little bean?"

"Little bean?"

"That is what she reminded me of when she was born: a sweet little bean."

"Well Varric since you're the first candidate for Godfather I suppose…" Anders was never able to finish his thought. The sounds of battle echoed down the secluded path, causing the mage's blood to freeze. "Here! Take her!" Anders gently handed the baby to Varric and pulled his staff from his back, racing toward the sound. However he was not prepared for what he found as he broke through the brush.

Hawke stood with her back pressed to a rocky outcropping, her staff lying broken in the grass, as six Templars bore down on her. From where he stood Anders could see that she had felled three already. Justice roared to the surface, leaping to the defense of one unarmed apostate against so many Templars. The battle raged, and from the back of his mind Anders felt anxiety burning within him; never had just the two of them faced so many. Only when a hail of arrows felled the last of their enemies did Justice relinquish control of his mind. Varric stepped from the foliage, Bianca resting on one shoulder and the baby soundly sleeping against the other.

"I'm telling you Hawke, this kid could sleep…" Varric's eyes narrowed as they rose to find Hawke, but could not. "Hawke?"

Anders swept the battlefield quickly, searching for any sign of his wife. As he turned the corner made by the shale wall he felt his heart seize. Hawke lay in a pool of her own blood, struggling to breathe around the two Templar daggers lodged squarely in her chest.

Both mage and rouge dropped to the bloodstained grass, Anders' eyes wide with unbridled panic. He put his hand on the hilt of one dagger to remove it, but a bloody hand stopped him. He looked into Marian's eyes as she shook her head.

"Don't," she choked around the blood filling her lungs. "I-It won't….matter n-now."

"No! Marian let me heal you. I can heal you please…"

A small sad smile graced her pale face as she shook her head. "We both know…" She coughed and blood seeped from the corner of her lips. "…y-you can't…"

He knew. He knew from the moment he saw the position of the broad knives there would never be enough time to heal these wounds. If he removed either blade blood would fill her lungs and she would drown faster than he could repair the damage. But he shook his head anyway, tears flooding down his cheeks.

"Please Love… I…"

Her blood covered hand weakly touched his cheek and he held it there, his tears mingling with the gore on her hand.

"I love you," she whispered, a ghost of a smile touching her lips.

"And I love you."

Hawke's eyes sought out Varric and she smiled at him. "Take…" she coughed again, cringing as her chest heaved around sharp edges. "…t-take care of them."

Varric nodded and smiled bitterly around his own tears. Gently he brought the baby, still asleep in his arms, down to her mother's face. Hawke smiled sadly and kissed her brow, leaving a small bloody smudge on the soft skin. "My Kylee… I will see you… in the fade…"

Anders sobbed bitterly as she coughed again, this time resulting in a strangled cry of agony. She looked to him, pain clouding her pale features. "Anders please…" He felt his heart break as he nodded. Using magic he dulled her pain, putting as much of himself into the casting as he could. When her face relaxed she let out a wet heavy sigh and nodded. Anders put a firm hand on the hilt of each dagger… and ripped them from her chest.

He knew she would feel nothing, but continued to pour the numbing magic into her failing body as the life drained rapidly from her eyes. "Thank you Love…"


	9. Selfish

Cold water jolted him out of a dead sleep. Anders sputtered and flailed, trying to understand where the sudden dowsing had come from. It did not take long to spot Varric, Fenris, and Isabella standing over his bed, the pirate holding the bucket shamelessly.

"Get up Magie. Time to rejoin the world."

Anders glared at the three of them as the familiar emptiness settled into his heart. Marian… Slowly the mage stood from the now soaking wet bed. He carefully made his way over to the crib in the corner of the room and felt panic assault him, his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

"Where…?"

"She's fine Anders. Been fed, burped, changed, and is getting some fresh air with Merrill. There will be no hiding behind her this time."

It was true: every time someone tried to speak with the mage, Anders had used Kylee as an excuse to avoid them. But apparently that excuse was gone so he slumped against the wall, his eyes never leaving the empty crib.

"Well then, what is it?"

"You have been hiding in this hovel for a month. Do you intend to move or simply count on us to reroute the Templars indefinitely?" Leave it to Fenris to be blatantly honest.

"You need a plan Blondie. We all do. And you can't stay here anymore."

Hopelessness swelled within him. "Perhaps you should let them find me."

Varric could not believe what he was hearing. "What?"

"Let them find me. What could they possibly do that is worse than this?"

"Anders, if the Templars catch you you'll get the brand for sure. You'll be made Tranquil, then hauled back to Kirkwall for the victory parade!"

"Perhaps that would be best..." Certainly better than the empty hole of despair that rested resolutely where his heart had been.

No one saw it, it happened so fast. Fenris crossed the room in two strides and struck Anders with his gauntleted fist, causing the mage to crash to the floor. His mouth was bloody where the elf had struck him and he was certain he was spitting out teeth for a moment.

"Elf!"

"Enough!" Fenris stood over the crumpled mage, his lyrium brands glowing brightly. "I have heard enough of your wallowing! Do you believe yours is the only life at stake?" A gauntleted finger pointed to the cradle a few feet away. "What do you think will happen to her if the Templars come for you?"

Anders felt his body stiffen. He had not considered the possibility.

Isabella took up the argument, albeit more gently than Fenris had. "She will be left for the wolves. Or stuck in one of those circles you like so well. Is that what you want for your daughter?"

Anders sighed and closed his eyes against the reality threatening his isolation. How could he have been so selfishly blind? The thought of his and Marian's child dead or thrust into a lifetime of imprisonment… Rage stirred in the back of his mind and he rose to his feet, eyes searching each face in turn. "You are right. I… I'm sorry. I've been foolish. I just…"

Varric stepped forward this time, placing a hand on Anders' arm. "We get it Blondie. You're not the only one who lost her." Anders nodded his thanks, not trusting his own voice. A moment of silent understanding passed between the four companions before Isabella crossed her arms.

"So, what IS the plan then?"

"We go to Amaranthine."

"To the Wardens?"

Anders nodded, choking back a nervous laugh. Encountering the Commander of the Grey in Orzammar had seemed like a curse at the time. But after her rage had subsided completely she had disgruntledly admitted that she was happy to see him. Elissa's parting words before the Wardens set out had surprised the mage. "If you ever need help," she'd threatened, "but do not ask for it, I will personally tan your hide then find my way to the fade and do the same to Justice."

"The Warden Commander is a good woman, a good friend. She will help us. Besides…" Grief clouded Anders face as he considered this new option, "can you think of anyone better to protect Kylee than Carver?"


	10. The Vigil

"For the love of… By all the…" Elissa Cousland sat back in the chair behind her desk and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Dammit Anders. When I said I would help you I didn't expect the Divine herself would send an army of Templars after your sorry backside." The mage couldn't help but grin at that. He knew Elissa held no love for the Circle or the Templars. Well, with one exception…

That exception was standing in the corner, an unparalleled smirk present on his face. "Come now Darling I think all the chaos is rather exciting! About time someone one stuck it to the Chantry."

"You aren't helping!" The Warden Commander sighed sincerely this time as her eyes softened. "I'm sorry Anders. I can't imagine what you have been through in these past few months." The woman put her head in her hands. "And I meant what I said. You're a Grey Warden, whether you wish to be or not. That also means you're family. And we don't abandon our own." Elissa rose from her chair and began pacing slowly, all the while picking at her fingernails. "But it cannot be known that we're helping you. Anora has little love for me and if she found out we were harboring the fugitive who started all this…"

"I understand Commander."

"Good. We will set you up with lodging here in the keep. Given your personal…circumstances… you will not be expected to venture far from the Vigil until your girl is a little older. But if you're going to stay I need you to earn your place. You were always a damn good healer. If you will take over the infirmary I think that would be more than sufficient. We have many people who come to us for help, and not just Wardens. They could benefit from your abilities."

Anders felt the iron grip of fear loosen as his body sagged in relief. Kylee was safe, she had a home. It didn't matter if the Chantry came for him because she would be here, protected by the Wardens. He rose from his seat. "Thank you Elissa. I can never repay you for this." He held out his hand but she pulled him into an embrace instead.

"Dammit Anders you're family. No more running."

He nodded and returned the hug, grateful for the feeling of belonging he had thought was lost to him forever. "Alright. No more running."

As he exited Elyssa's office Anders was met with a blow to the face. Thankfully this fist was unarmored and he didn't feel any bones out of place. When the mage looked up he was not surprised to see Carver Hawke standing over him. Though Carver had returned to the Wardens weeks before Marian learned she was with child she had sent him and Aveline both letters after the birth, knowing that they would each be heartbroken to be left unaware. Aveline had sent a response congratulating the apostate couple but they'd heard nothing from Carver. And it was only a few short months ago that Anders had sent word of Marian's death.

"You bastard, you've got a lot of nerve showing your face here."

"Carver!" Elissa and Alistair exited the office just as Nathanial Howe caught up with his younger brother in arms. "What are you doing?"

"This blighter got my sister killed!" The young man bent over and pulled Anders to his feet. Slamming the mage to the wall he growled, "Where's my niece?"

"An inn in Amaranthine with Varric and the rest."

Carver knocked Anders against the wall a second time. "Which Inn?"

Elissa's voice broke through the chaos, "Hawke! That's enough!" Anders wasn't sure which was more unsettling: the unexpected sting in his heart as someone else was addressed by the name Hawke or the pain that colored Carver's face when he had the same thought. Slowly the younger man released the mage.

"I'm sorry Commander." Without a word he turned and left the hall, shoulders sagging heavily beneath the weight of his grief.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel listened solemnly as Anders busied himself in his new quarters, all the while recounting tales of his journey since leaving Kirkwall. The warden couldn't help but notice the way his friend's eyes would soften at the mention of his daughter and the sorrow that passed when speaking of her mother. When he finished his tale Anders sat next to his friend at the table, making sure to face the blanket on the floor where the babe lay. She giggled and cooed, all the while chewing on one of the toys Merrill had fashioned for her.<p>

"Maker's breath Anders, I'm so sorry." The mage smiled halfheartedly but otherwise didn't respond. "So… What happened today with Carver…"

"I knew he would be angry. But I never imagined he would be so adamant about seeing her."

"And why wouldn't I?" Carver's voice caused Anders to spring to his feet and reach for his staff, ready to defend himself from another assault if needed. But the younger man said nothing; his gaze had fixed on Kylee. After a moment his voice came out as a whisper, "Maker… you didn't tell me… She looks just like my sister." Anders, realizing he was not about to be thrashed, slowly leaned his staff against the wall. He watched as Carver knelt on the floor and smiled through tears at the child who was studying him intently. "Is she a mage?" he asked quietly as tiny fingers grasped his larger ones.

"I do not know. I could be days or years before any signs-"

"Oh she will be. I'd bet my last copper on it." When the child began to fuss Carver stood back quickly. "What's wrong? What did I do?"

Anders couldn't help but smile at man's discomfort. "You did nothing. She's just tired. The journey has been a long one." He pulled Kylee into his arms and gently rocked her in place. I wasn't long before the girl was fast asleep, her face burrowed deeply in the feathers of her father's coat.

Carver watched the two of them for a time before seating himself next to Nathaniel. When Anders had placed Kylee in her crib and retaken his seat the young warden sighed heavily. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, about Marian. I was wrong. I know no one loved her like you did. You were there for her when I… wasn't. You would've saved her if you could."

"Thank you Carver."

A moment of silence passed between the three wardens. "So," Nathaniel cleared his throat, "are you staying then?"

Anders smiled, the first sincere smile Nate had seen out of him since he'd arrived, and nodded. "For as long as the Commander will have me. Kylee will be safe here."

"Good. It sounds like you need help keeping out of trouble."

"By the Maker I could use a decade or two without trouble."


	11. Sweet Dreams

The gentle sound of waves lapping against the shore instilled Anders with a sense of peace. The Wounded Coast had always been dangerous, what with the ever present threat of roving bandits, slavers, and the occasional feral Mabari. But this small cove had served as his shelter on more than one occasion. He would often visit the isolated area to be alone with his thoughts. Once or twice he had hidden fellow mages in its protective seclusion as they attempted to flee the city. But more often than not he had come here with her.

Anders could close his eyes and feel the breeze through his hair and vividly smell the brackish water but was unable to truly lose himself, to truly forget. The silhouette of the black city stood resolutely in the distance, nearly hidden behind Kirkwall's rising structures, but it was present none the less serving as a bitter reminder that he would never again sit on this shore with Marian.

Though Anders and Kylee had been safely settled at Vigil's Keep for months the death of his love still haunted him. He found himself tormented by her final moments while in the Fade and had only recently, with Justice's help, found a way to bypass the nightmares that plagued him. This place of peace served as a beacon of relief in his darkest dreams. However he had still not managed to conjure a memory of her here despite all the time they'd spent lying on the sands.

"There is a reason for that Love." Anders froze at the sound of her voice, afraid to open his eyes. Because if he opened them and she was not there it would certainly break him. He would be completely mad. Perhaps a desire demon had worked its way into his dream. It would not be the first time. "I am not a demon Anders. Wouldn't Justice have sensed if I were?"

Slowly the broken man opened his now tear filled eyes to gaze at his lost love. She smiled radiantly, blue eyes just as bright as he remembered. Though she stood within arm's length Anders could not bring his body to move. He sat frozen by disbelief as he whispered her name brokenly. Her radiant smile turned sad and she knelt next to him in the sand. Only when he felt her touch on his shoulder did the spell vanish and he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly as tears finally cascaded down his face. He kissed her greedily, as if the single embrace could compensate for months without.

"Marian. I'm so sorry. If I would have only…"

"Hush Love." She pulled back from him just enough to gaze into his eyes. "There was nothing you could have done." As he began to object Marian put a firm but gentle hand against his lips. "Enough. Would you waste these precious minutes blaming yourself?"

"No." He pulled her against him again. Maker, how he missed the feeling of her in his arms. So many nights he longed for simply this: to hold her.

"I know," she whispered against him sadly. "That is part of the reason I've come." She pulled away from him though he refused to relinquish his hold on her completely. "You need to let me go Anders."

"I cannot. Maker help me Marian I-"

"You must. You cannot continue this way. It will destroy you." The woman sadly wiped the tears from Anders face. "I would not see you lose yourself…" Familiar words from a lifetime ago echoed through his mind as he tightened his grip on her.

"Please Love. I do not have the strength."

"Yes you do! You've simply been wandering in the dark for too long. Go back to your life Anders. If not for me or for yourself, then for Kylee."

He smiled sadly. "She misses you."

Sadness crept into his beloved's face as she battled her own tears. "I know. I visit her dreams often. They are colored by uncertainty but they are also filled with joy. You have given her that happiness Anders. She loves you. You need to be strong for her."

"I know that you are right. I just..." Slowly Anders brought his forehead to rest against hers as they had done so many times. "When will I see you again?"

"I'm so sorry Love. This is the only time I will come to you." The mage's face fell as his wife sighed miserably, finally letting her tears fall. "I will not keep you bound to the fade with dreams of a life that can never be."

A heavy sadness settled between them as the two lovers' lips met softly. Dense fog began rise from the ground and swept in from the sea. Anders could no longer see the woman in his arms and felt frantic as her warmth began to fade.

"I love you!" he called desperately.

"As I love you."

Anders woke alone, tears still staining his cheeks. He took a shuddering breath in an attempt to quell the trembling in his limbs and his racing heart. But for the first time in months the mage's heart knew peace. Anders could think on Marian Hawke without the heavy feeling of bitter agony that had plagued his soul.

* * *

><p><strong>The end! Or, rather, the end of this instillation. The story continues with "Family Ties." Thanks for reading!<strong>


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